Back To Portland

All who journey change. My journey, one of self-exploration at the same time taking a journey into the heart of the culture of my destinations most certainly has had an effect on me, for life, how, I do not know at this time. Two people have told me I look younger and at 53 this is a welcome observation however I believe that change is deep inside me and will reveal itself over time. I know that I am humbled and have found a new level of love for life. I have always been one to revere life and celebrate in appreciation, in all that I do. I take time to give thanks for all my blessings and the opportunity to serve. I do this every day all day but in ritual before every meal I take a moment to say “ Thank you for your blessings, keep us healthy, keep us strong, keep us wise, and guide us to the light so that we may better serve” This is simply my personal way to pause for a moment and reflect and consciously express my deep respect for life and all that it brings. I feel I have matured into a place that is more relaxed, I feel less willing to fight. I have been fighting all my life and my time away has given me insight into how tired I am of fighting. There is no more need to fight. This does not mean that I am going to roll over the old me is still alive just growing and maturing at an accelerated pace. Coming back to Portland was quite uneventful of course there was a bit of a culture shock. It is difficult to travel from Venice to JFK international and not feel some culture shock. I suspect even as a casual traveler you would witness the vast difference. My first experience was at the baggage claim. I had a considerable amount of luggage. Enough that it was a challenge to fit onto the standard carts one can rent for three dollars, so I went to one of the attendants to ask for assistance, he looked like a man in charge with his red coat and badge, I asked him where I could find a porter to help me with my luggage. He simply shrugged his shoulders with out even uttering a word; I suspect this is some sort of airport dialect that means I don’t know. I enquired if he was in any way involved with the porter team and he told me that he was the supervisor, I was right if there was a man to talk to get a porter it would be he. I admit I was tired and this was certainly evident, but when I tried to get more information form the supervisor of the porters his only answer was you are on your own as he walked away.
Welcome to JFK, I know I am alone I did not need this man to remind me.
For most of my life I have been alone and now I am feeling very alone. Not just in that I must deal with my bags without assistance, but as with all of us, in regards to our lives we are ultimately on our own. I arrived late on Friday night slept for 5 hours. I got up meditated and prayed, took a hot tub and went to work. I later laid down for a short nap, as I was to meet my son Colin for an early dinner. I was looking forward to this I do not have much opportunity to be with Colin our time together is very precious to me. However I was so tired that I slept through three phone calls two of them from him. I did not wake up until 5:am. The traveling is hard on my body and I needed the rest. It is very unusual for me to sleep for so long and so deeply. I feel rested now and am preparing myself to go to work in a few hours. I have 4 days of meetings in front of me and one day to pack before I go to Thailand. As I have changed, how have those close to me changed, Carlos has been to Burning Man Debbie has traveled three times and has had to deal with a new level of responsibility, I am sure they have changes they will bring to the table that will effect the dynamic of our working together. I am excited and yet apprehensive our history has been less than harmonious and I fear that we could have grown further apart. Growth is always good however it can bring with it new dynamics of change. This could be good for us and certainly good for Nia, or not. We will see. I assure you that we will do our best to do the best for Nia.
I am done fighting.
We have many important decisions to make over the next 4 days before I leave again for Thailand. There are IT issues, Finance, Branding, Staff, Projects to green light and relationships to rebuild. I am excited and yet I am afraid, seems to be a life condition for me, maybe it is apart of the universal human condition. I am not sure all I know is as I sit here in the early morning watching the sun rise on another day I am filled with mixed emotions. It is good to be back in Portland to be with Debbie and Maggie, my house, my own bed and to take a bath. And I have always been ready to and honored to fill my role at Nia. My favorite breakfast place is still here they still remember my name as if they had no idea I had gone. A time warp, I imagine that it is somewhat like any life changing experience, psychotropic drugs, health, travel, situations that tear the fabric of your life; when I walked in to take my place at the breakfast counter it was business as usual I was not even missed. A simple good morning Jeff “What’s up” I wanted to jump up and scream “everything” and tell them all about my great journey but this is to be kept to my self. The experience of reflecting on my experiences by writing in this way has tempered me and given me a canvas to paint my stories my feelings.
Reality shift, today I put on my suit and I go back into the board room and once again become the business man the CEO of The Nia Technique. This time I will do it a little different bringing with me new tools and a deeper respect for the work that we do and a deeper level of appreciation for this opportunity to serve. Thank you for your blessings, keep me healthy, keep me strong, keep me wise and guide me to the light so that I may better serve.