Glass Houses

I am a ghost wandering through the cosmos separate and yet connected. I speak they do not listen I smile they do not see. It is as if I am walking along side a parallel universe sharing the same physical reality and yet completely different and set apart in the emotional and spiritual realms. I am not sure it could be me or my imagination, however my observation thus far here in Phuket is that the other Caucasians I meet flat out are not of the friendly sort. I am not used to this, definitely different from my Venice experience. I have made it a game trying to force eye contact wherein I might be able the pass a smile but is not possible it seems they will do all they can to avoid connection of any kind, this is odd. Even as I sit in my adopted office a beautiful hotel lobby (I make it a point to be dressed well appropriate to my environment) populated primarily by foreigners I cannot create enough of an opening to even nod and say good morning. I can only speculate on the why of this. Maybe it is that I truly need to be alone here so I have myself unconsciously put up a wall or maybe it is my bald head it makes me look hard and much older. I am perplexed. Around town with the locals I am now well integrated. This is a very small town I take a walk along the same path twice a day once in the morning when I first wake up and then in the evening just around sunset. Yesterday an old man probably about my age stopped his motor scooter pulling up along side of me as I walked, he offered me a ride. I was on my exercise walk but how could I refuse he all but forced me on board, I jumped on behind him and into town we went. The girls at the bars and the massage parlors have given up on me they no longer call out to me as I pass by. They do say hello and smile. Even the tailors leave me alone they are as bad if not worse than the girls with their street solicitations, hello sir nice suit for you sir, where you going sir, you need nice shirt sir, where you from sir, where you stay, so on and so on. Now they greet me in a simple and friendly manner I may just stop one of these nights and have a chat just to be friendly I do not need a new suit and if you have seen my closet you know a shirt is the last thing I need. I am known in less than a week well enough to be settled and recognized not as a quick catch for the tourist trap, this suits me very well.
I am still trying to understand the other people those that at least from the outside look like me. There are many business men here I assume making land deals. The woman who lives next door to me came over one night for a welcome chat she and Rhonda have been friends for many years, she has been in Phuket for 6. I asked her about this and she seemed unaware of the dynamic, maybe women are treated different. Well we all know women are treated different (sorry ladies but it is true.) She said that the business men are all very busy and focused, and therefore distant, I don’t buy this one. Not everyone is a businessman and regardless I am a business man I may not be here on business but other than now my life has been consumed with business and I have done a fair amount of traveling for business, New York, Chicago, LA, Europe, San Francisco, Las Vegas I have never found that the environment was unfriendly actually quite the opposite. Most business people I come across are happy to engage as there is always an opportunity waiting around some corner or a contact to be made or a lesson to be learned. I you want to meet new people hang out at the bar at the Waldorf Astoria in the mid week I assure you, you will not sit at the bar for long before someone greets you and asks what your business is, that’s how we do business, at least that’s my experience. Could be that in the east every is so different that this too is upside down. With all the building going on around here I assume that many of the business men are making land and or building deals, are they the exploiters who are raking in the big cash and do they look at outsiders as competition, or do they carry some level of guilt or are they just focused? Most of the English I here comes with an Australian accent, I have never been to Australia but I have heard the Aussies are super friendly, here they are not. My landlord approached me the other day as I sat working on my front porch and asked me how I was doing. His English is very limited, but we manage to communicate. I told him I was fine. He asked me “you go to Patong?” I told him that I went there my first day for lunch and have not been back since. He said “No Girl” I said “No Girl” he said “Why you no want Girl” I said “ No girl” he said “you like lady boy” I said “no, no lady boys.” He looked at me confused and said again “ why you not go to Patong for girls” I said “ I came to Phuket to relax write and play guitar not for girls. He laughed shook his head and walked away. This little interaction gave me a new insight. Perhaps most of the men who come here are here to exploit or at least take advantage of the cheap sex, or the cheap labor or the cheap goods. I then had this vision that I am surrounded by carpet baggers and sailors pulling into port for a good time. It is off season and I imagine the vibe could be different on season. I do know that this is a favorite wintering place for the gondoliers of Venice, friendly enough in Venice I wonder if they are friendly when they are here? Anyhow I can see how at first glance I would appear to be anyone of the above. This is not a place I chose to walk. So that would mean the regular people would be looking at me and saying there goes another one and the dudes in the above categories are just as they are. I could be wrong I am just speculating and remember that cultural and social dynamics are one of my favorite interest. My truth remains the other foreigners here at least the ones I have come across simply are not friendly. I am completely OK with this I love the locals, and as they continue to warm to me I love them even more. I have found a little store where I buy my water and treats. It is really a big garage filled with a weird variety of stuff and a cooler. The prices are half of what they are in any store in the town proper and the woman who works there is as delightful as can be. She is a Muslim and she sits there all day with a couple of friends and sells her goodies. Every time I go in to her store she gives me language lessons. I call her Mama and we always laugh together. This is where I want to be walking in the rain laughing with the locals and watching the boys play soccer. Next I want to find a Buddhist temple where I can pray and further immerse myself into the culture and the community of these very beautiful people. I get enough foreigners at home. Maybe many are here as I for the solitude. And then I remember; that who am I to judge. I feel that I have no judgments just observations. But in my life I carry my share of guilt, what have I exploited what secrets do I hold. Running away from home at 15 I have been places I thank god my children never had to visit and I have done things that to this day I search my soul for forgiveness. So maybe I was drawn here as a mirror another opportunity to look deep into my own psyche still having some clearing to do. I am but a mirror of thyself. The mirror is my doorway opening to my path of healing.