Happy Ending

As you set out for Ithaca 
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
Angry Poseidon-don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
wild Poseidon-you won't encounter
them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when, 
with what pleasure, what joy, 
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time; 
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations 
to buy fine things, 
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind- 
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities 
to learn and go on learning from their scholars.
Keep Ithaca always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you're destined for. 
But don't hurry the journey at all. 
Better if it lasts for years, 
so you're old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you've gained on the way, 
not expecting Ithaca to make you rich. 
Ithaca gave you the marvelous journey. 
Without her you wouldn't have set out. 
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca won't have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you'll have understood by then what these Ithacas mean.

Constantine P. Cavafy

I lay in completion of the next part of my journey. I think also of the days and weeks the people the experiences and the places that have passed before me all touching me, each leaving their unique pieces of life and riches that have filled my heart and my soul. I have only three hours to sleep before Sutan will take to me to the Phuket airport to catch my 7:30 flight back to the Oriental hotel in Bangkok. I leave Thailand as I arrived but not the same. He who journeys must change or he has not journeyed at all. I began in Thailand in the lap of luxury four days at the Oriental Hotel sitting and thinking and in retrospect in preparation for the journey that laid before me. Then traveling to Phuket where my life was a simple one of solitude. My days spent in meditation, prayer, study, exploration, swimming in the ocean and looking into the mirror of my soul. Kamala a small and simple village was the perfect setting, Rhonda’s bungalow the perfect retreat, Asa the perfect neighbor. I made friends with the locals without speaking even one word, but with smiles, bows, and light. I ate from the food carts that line the streets, at times sitting on the curb in front of the cart and eating my dinner of whole barbequed fish with my hands. Market days were a special treat as the variety of offerings were many and I could graze and feast among the community of the people I was growing to love and appreciate, for their simple and unfettered spirits the light in their eyes and the smiles that touched their hearts and mine. During this time the biggest part of my day was traveling a few miles up the road to the Buddhist monastery to pray and surround myself with the energy that the devotion of the monks creates, supporting me and reminding me of surrender focus and appreciation for the many blessings of life. Destiny was to open for me the unexpected that comes to those who empty and follow what ever path that should appear without expectations or needs. I met Ian at the suggestion of Mark as he and I spoke through the internet. Ian is a long time friend of Mark and Rhonda’s, as I have previously described a most interesting man, his life a book of chapters most of us can only dream of. Ian is connected to the heart of Phuket having lived here for many years, if there is such a thing as a concierge for Phuket it would be Ian. It was after our first meeting that my path through Phuket would change. I had an on the edge of disaster motorcycle accident, putting a new spin on my direction and focus. I was a wounded bird my face legs and arms stripped of flesh leaving me a new process to add to my day tending to my wounds. For that first week after my accident I practically bathed in Hydrogen Peroxide and Iodine. It was in this state that I met Sally and Sue, during a dinner outing with Ian. We quickly became friends they invited me to stay with them in their new home. In fact I was blessed to help them with the move in process. Angels that provided me a sanctuary to heal and to share in life. I like to think that I was in some way an angel to them as well. I moved into the grand house on the hill overlooking Chalong Bay, the view was as good as it gets as was the company. Again I was in the lap of luxury, no more need to eat on the street as Duan was there to cook for me or ride the motorbike as Sutan was there to drive me wherever I wanted to go at any time. They introduced me to their friends providing me with yet more opportunity to take in the riches of life through the beauty of human spirit. We shared a common reverence for God Sue a Buddhist and Sally a spiritual bubble of light. All of my needs provided for and still space for my continued focus on the mirror that called me to look so deeply to emptiness and yet at the same time filling my heart to the point that I wonder if the heart has any limits, I think not. The nearby town just at the base of the hillside of my new home is as Kamala a mixture of Buddhist and Muslims, the mornings filled with the sounds of life that reflect the cultures of Thailand. The Cantor singing at sunrise the roosters crowing but now as I am high above the sounds all rising to a splendor that is impossible to describe. I can only say that if you want to sleep past sunrise in this house you will need block out curtains closed doors sleeping pills or a least some ear plugs. I love it keeping the door to my bedroom open at all times. There is no curtain and the door is not a door but a 20 foot sliding wall that disappears into itself so that you feel as if you are sleeping under the stars. A very dramatic setting to say the least, laying with the outside in and the inside out as the rain pounds the world around you. Sally is in London this morning and Sue is sound asleep. I am deeply sad that I do not have the opportunity to look Sally in the eyes and give her the biggest hug in the world in an attempt to express how magical my last 13 days in Phuket have been as a result of her huge heart, does the heart have limits, I think not. Thank you Sally I am touched deeply and I will both leave a huge piece of my heart here as well as take away possibly more than my heart can hold, does the heart have limits? I think not. I was able to connect with Sue spending these last few days together getting to know one another one to one she calls me Jeffrey and I kiss her on both cheeks. Saying goodbye and thanking her with all my heart creating closure at the same time an opening to a lifelong friendship. As I lay here soaking up all that I can in my few remaining moments, Harley one of two of Sally’s dogs is laying beside me, he is a big dog stretched out he is as long as I am tall, and Shummie the other of the two is sleeping at my feet. The dogs are not allowed to sleep on the bed but I make an exception as the two of them miss Sally so much they will not leave my side and I too find comfort with them by my side. It is now time to get ready Sutan has just given me my 5:am knock on the door. I have just 30 min. before my departure. I rush through my last minute details emails at finial loading the suitcases. Sutan brings me a cup of coffee and then stands just outside on the deck smoking and watching me in my process, I can only imagine what he is thinking. He speaks no English and yet even in the propriety of the servant relationship I feel we have become friends. When we go anywhere together he walks behind me a comfortable 8 feet close enough to not lose me and to be at my hand should I need any assistance. He likes ice cream and so do I. It was just yesterday the staff understood that I was leaving. Duan made such a fuss I think she thought I was to stay forever. We took pictures of each other and we laughed even though we could not speak. Seeking out Sue to help translate they told me that I must return soon even a couple of months away is too long. I promise Duan I will return, hopefully many times.
Closing my bags, I stand in the middle of my room and I say out loud my personal prayer, three times four times as I turn to face each of the four directions. “ Thank you for your Blessings Keep us Healthy, Keep us Wise and guide us to the light so we may better serve.” I can feel the big Buddha on the mountain just behind me smiling down upon me remembering our sacred kiss. Sutan begins to shuttle my bags to the car, I take one last look around then join him outside, but first I gather a fist full of incense a stick for each of those who make this house a home and one for me. Lighting the incense I go to Ganesh where he sits upon the altar that both blesses and guards the entrance to the property, I light the two candles that are ever present, holding the incense in my hands in prayer position close to my heart I repeat three time my prayer, asking for blessing for Sally Sue and the family and the home they have created. My heart is exploding my tears make it difficult for me to speak. I place the incense into the holder and back away leaving the candles lit I join Sutan in the car and we silently drive away. The sun is just beginning to rise the roads are beginning to come alive I see bar girls on scooters on their way home smiling at me as we pass possibly hoping for a last minute fare. Monks are on their morning rounds, I ask Sutan to stop, so that I can give my offering humbly and receive a blessing for my continued journey/life. As we drive the 45min to the airport I try to witness all that I have gained and all that I have shared thus far. I feel I have found my culture in Italy, I look forward to my return to Venice in just one week, I feel I have found my spirit Thailand, the spirit of the universe in palatable here and I have affirmed my devotion to the way of the Buddha, and I have found my home, buried deep in my heart. Remembering the famous lines of Dorothy as she tapped her heels together repeating three times “There’s no Place like Home, There’s no Place like Home, There’s no Place like Home” and like Dorothy I will wake up in hours in my own bed in the home of my heart that I have created and co-created with my partner lover and friend and wife Debbie and my own little Toto…….. Maggie. And with that a “Very Happy Ending.”

Kissing the lips of Buddha

“Listen kids remember that when you are climbing anything you must climb with your hands. Always have a good grip with at least one hand, in case you slip you will have the one hand to catch you and keep you from falling.” I remember saying this as if it was yesterday. When Monica and Colin were little there was a park near where I was living. When they would visit me on the weekends if the weather was nice we would go to the park, to our favorite tree, climbing the tree we would have a picnic high up in the branches. Each time going a bit higher until we reached a point that tree was so slight it would bend with our weight alone. We would set out our table cloth and sit as we would sway with the tree in the breeze and have our little tea party. This is one of the fondest memories of my entire life. Anyone would think I was crazy climbing a tree with a 6 year old boy and his 7 year old sister to have a picnic but this is, was and who I am. I like to think Monica and Colin hold this memory as dear as I do.
I flashed on this when Mike, my newest friend and I prepared to begin our early morning climb up the primitive scaffolding that surrounds the 150 foot high Buddha that is being built on the highest point of southern Phuket. The Giant Buddha is two years into the construction process. The concrete structure is almost finished and the work to apply the white marble skin has begun. http://www.phuket.com/magazine/big-buddha.htm.
The Giant Buddha is completely covered with the bamboo scaffolding. This is basically bamboo sticks held together with baling wire. The first time I visited the site was on a trip with my good friend Sally. This place is very special to Sally her reverence for the power of the entirety of the space, the intention and the spiritual nature of the building site was beautiful to share with her as I witnessed how it deeply moved her. Sally tells me this is one of her favorite spots in the world, now it is also one of mine. Thank you Sally for sharing with me your intimate connection to spirit. It was healing for me in more ways than I will ever be able to explain but the light will forever shine on my path. Mike my climbing partner and I have only met recently. Mike is in his mid thirties, he is a strong yet gentle man. He is a professional builder and has managed construction sites in some of the most exotic places in the world. He was raised in New Zealand and comes from a construction family. He was telling me a story of his youth this morning over coffee after our decent and intimate embrace of the Giant Buddha, of growing up in New Zealand. His father a construction man himself made sure that there was ample space on the land of their home for a collection of construction equipment. This was supposedly a practical situation but Mike as he looks back on it realizes that his dad did this purposefully so that Mike, his brother and their friends could have a dream playground. Most boys play with trucks as they are growing up but as we all know these trucks are metal and plastic scale models of the real thing but not Mike, he and his friends had the real deal. Mike recounted to me the drag races they would have with any thing that would move, tractors, dozers, graders, and the like. Mike is as I said a big man with a bigger heart. He is handsome with boyishness looks a sort of young Indiana Jones. He speaks fluent Thai and has a very beautiful Thai partner appropriately named Awe. Mike and I met when John a developer who I have become friendly with took me to the site that Mike is currently managing. A collection of some of the most beautiful homes I have ever seen. I asked Mike if he would come to visit the site that Sally is developing and give me some advice regarding some issues I questioned. He, Awe, John, and Johns partner Dwa spent the afternoon with me touring the Sally site both of them providing many good ideas on some of the issues I was confused about. Building in Thailand is very different than in America. After our tour we had a wonderful evening sharing dinner a fantastic bottle of wine John had brought all the way from the UK. We had some good laughs and a healthy amount of conjecture, speaking of culture, the economy, religion and politics, my favorite subjects and my favorite way to spend an evening; good people, smart people and good food and great conversation. Thank John for the sharing your special stash of wine and for getting us all together. It was at this time I mentioned that I had been to the Giant Buddha telling them that before I left the island I would climb the scaffold and give the big guy a kiss. Mike jumped right in and said that sounded good to him so we agreed that the next morning at first light we would share the experience. Typical construction guy that he is Mike was right on time, I was not. I had set my alarm wrong and so we were an hour off. But regardless of my tardiness Mike waited for me, we joined up and off we went. We arrived at the site an hour after planned but still very early in the morning the sun still bathing us in its golden morning glow. It has been raining here at monsoon levels but this morning the gods blessed our intent with a stunning display of color light and no rain. Upon our arrival we survived the site looking for the best way to make out accent. We did not want to attract attention and we were also looking for the safest path to the top. Within no time at all and no hesitation our path revealed, pausing for just a moment, I told Mike “I understand that you have climbed many sets of scaffolding in your life but I must remind you due to the climb before us “Please remember to always climb with your hands” flashing on the tree climbs with Monica and Colin so many years ago. He thanked me and off we went. We climbed up the bamboo it was surprisingly strong. At one point Mike said “I will go right, you go left” I told him “if you fall yell as loud as you can!” We met at the backside about two thirds of the way up. The view was incredible we just sat and soaked it all in we able to see a large portion of southern Phuket from this vantage point and the sun was still providing us with the beautiful light, I felt 10 years old and at the same time as old as the universe itself. The construction of this big Buddha is a huge feat. Not only is it an engineering marvel but the communal support is inspiring. The whole project is being funded with donations from all over the world the estimated cost is over 40,000,000 Baht. We could not build any building of this magnitude in America for even a fraction of the cost. We soon we realized that we were too high. You cannot go higher than the eyes of Buddha, it is disrespectful. We stepped down twenty feet or so and were then at the nose. The placement of the marble has begun to take place here at his face. Mike and I took turns giving respect and then kissing the lips of the Buddha. As soon as we did we smiled and connected in a way that we will both remember for all of our lives. We began to climb down as we did we the crew was on their way up. All smiles, shoeless they welcomed us and we talked of the building process and the honor of contributing to the building of such a landmark one that will be visible from most points of southern Phuket as well as a spiritual symbol inspiring all. After Mike and I finished the climb we went into the temple at the base of the Buddha. We both knelt and prayed let our donations and turned to leave. We were approached by one of the Monks who lives and works at the site he invited us to stay as the head Monk was soon to return. In minutes a truck with a covered bed arrived and a team of orange robed Monks began to step out of the truck bed. They were returning from their morning walk through the community gathering donations of food flowers and money. We were invited to have a moment with the head Monk who spoke with us reminding us to be good people. He made us simple bracelets he tied them around our wrists and with a bunch of small broom like switches dipping the broom in a pot of Lustral Water, http://www.thailandlife.com/lustralwater.htm, he sprinkled the water on our shoulders and heads blessing us with health wisdom good luck and many children.
We bowed, stood and walking backwards exited the altar area.
We were again approached by a monk in attendance and invited to have breakfast with them. We were delighted to do so, a table set up as a buffet was filled with various options all gathered during the morning walk through the community. We took what we wanted and sat to eat. We spoke of many things and as we were finished and ready to leave the monks gave us even more food. I brought the over flow back to Sally’s house and shared with Sunan, Duan, and Bamalee.
A day to remember to be sure, sharing a bonding experience with a new friend, having breakfast with the Monks and of course Kissing the lips of Buddha.

Top of The Pops

I had the privilege to tour a number of homes in different stages of development here on Phuket my new friend and his fiend Mike are partners in a project that will break ground in April. John is the visionary and finance manager and Mike is professional project manager. The project we toured is Mikes current project. There will be I believe 18 houses in the development when finished. I cannot do justice to the project in words, these houses are of the most beautiful I have ever had the chance to tour. Most of them are build around a small beautiful and very dramatic bay. Complete with huge boulders on the shore causing the waves to crash into them creating a dramatic view the effect is magical. One of the houses had a stream that ran through it one was built around huge granite boulder. The boulder is natural part of the hill side and therefore water will seep through the cracks and fissures of the stone making it necessary for the builders to build a sort of gutter alone the bottom of the stone where it meets the floor of the house. During the rainy season this catch al gutter will fill with water creating sort of river running along a walk way and a set of stairs, very dramatic. I loved this feature being a Taurus it suits all my sensibilities. All of the houses were of different architecture giving the small neighborhood a certain character and a unique flavor. The building despite there size all seemed to blend into the environment none of them looking on to the other creating privacy. There was no house where one would feel uncomfortable walking around naked as long as you are comfortable being naked in front of your live in staff. Each of the homes had large and equally beautiful staff quarters, I would be perfectly happy to live in any of them, to have a staff job in any of these homes would be the cream of staffing jobs providing that those served are of a gentle and compassionate nature. As most homes in Thailand large and small, all of the home made use of extensive outdoor spaces. One of the homes even had a space where they created a lawn 50’X25’. I was very impressed by this feature ( I have always wanted a lawn in my living room!) No luxury was spared in any of the homes the prices ranging from 4 to 25 million. If you have ever wondered where the other half or should I say .05% live at least a few of them are here. I became so spoiled in the few minutes of my tour that when my host mentioned that the 4,000,000 dollar house was for sale I remember thinking oh that one would never do! I want the one with the river running through it! 25,000,000.
There is a lot of money everywhere but here on Phuket 4 million buys you 4 times what it could most anywhere n the planet. I have permission to return with my camera to take pictures for inspiration and more than that, once I return home I can prove this was not a dream. I love houses, and architecture of all sorts, and I most appreciate how these homes blend and use the environment. All of the houses are works of art my guess is we will see at least one of them in a magazine at some point.
I am at the finial countdown to my departure. I cannot believe that the time has flown so fast. I must return here my hope is that I will so often. Thailand is much more accessible than I have perceived in the past. Other than the long plane ride the price of the ticket was less than flying to Europe, and now I have some new friends here that I will miss very much, particularly Sally and Sue. The other night we went to a Friday night cocktail party that is tradition in the hood. I was introduced to man in his 70’s we had a delightful time chatting away about this that and the other, and at one point he mixed into his conversation a line from a song from a Portland Musician. The mans name is Harvey Freeman the song he quoted was from a tune recorded by a Portland musician Curtis Salgato, “Give me more Loving less Attitude” I said “Curtis Salgato” 1991. Harvey could not believe I knew this song he laughed and said how do you know this I told him I was from Portland. Turns out he and I know many of the same people, Dan remember Harvey how about you Val and John. Harvey owned one of the biggest clubs in Portland during the music height of the Portland music scene even I played on his stage “ The Starry Night.” We had a wonderful time talking about the old days. I will admit that is annoys the fuck out of me that I am old enough to be talking about the old days! Oh well time has a way of catching up with you. I am happy to be around to have the conversation and be in a place half way around the world running into a guy that was instrumental in the careers of some of my closest friends. The strangest things happen in the strangest places to the strangest people. I guess that would include me. The Stranger in a strange land.
Leon Russell 1970………?
Gotta love it or die.

The Key

It is raining harder today than ever before. Maybe we should turn back it’s not the best day to be exploring the jungle. Don’t forget the old man warned us this is snake country, we need to be on the look out for cobras. “Don’t worry we will be fine.” You’re crazy we can’t see, the path is turning into a river and there are snakes everywhere, they give no warning, they will strike as soon as we come upon them. Careful watch your step the clay ground is like a slide be careful not to lose your footing.
Or we could end up sliding on our butts all the way to the river. Charlie runs and drops to slide on the clay river. “Stop playing games, this is no time to be playing games.” He soon disappears intro the fog of the rain.
Charlie….Charlie? Charlie where are you. This is not funny I can hardly see my hand in front of my face, get over here, you are scaring me. Charlie, where the hell are you. I need to get my a fix on my position. Am I up am I down, regardless I must move on. I begin to move in what I think is forward, forward to where. This exploration has turned into a mission a mission to find something familiar to survive. I am not thinking of home easy enough I never really had one in the first place. Be here now, stay focused, I am forgetting, Charlie and even the rain I have even forgotten the threat of the snakes. Let them come I am no longer afraid, I am focused. My footsteps deliberate, cautious but still creating a path to where I do not know. I feel am being watched, must be my imagination there is no one up here other than Charlie and I, but where is Charlie? “Charlie where the hell are you?” There is something following me I am certain now, cannot show fear. I was told that if you walk tall and strong then even the devil will let you pass. I dig deep and gather all the strength I have left. The rain is coming down harder and harder by the minute. The path we started out on is no more. I am now alone walking in a river of clay. Slipping I begin to slide backwards. Faster and faster I fall reaching for anything that will slow my slide I catch the root of a tree it tears at my hand the blood mixing with the river of clay I feel no pain only relief. I pull myself up to the tree trunk. It is covered with roots clinging to its bark feeding on the body they serve. I wrap my body around the tree and for a moment I feel safe, wet hungry alone but safe. Suddenly I see just out or the corner of my eye something move I cannot describe it is unidentifiable. Crouched and dark looking directly at me I see no eyes only spirit, spirit I am compelled to follow as the creature moves up the hill away from the flash flooding path that has now become a river red with the clay and the blood of the earth. As I follow my new guide completely in surrender we move further up the hill the water rushing down to the valley below.
Time seems to stand still I continue to climb, this is the logical path away from the growing river of mud and debris fallen from the trees blowing branches breaking, falling to the ground swept to the valley below by the mountain water fall. As I reach the crest of the hill I come to a clearing, the creature is standing close by in the darkness he waits for me to arrive. I enter the clearing it is a natural oasis surrounded my rocks. There is evidence of many who have come before a fire pit, it appears as if it has some significance I wonder if it is a place of ceremony.
Looking closer I see a key laying on a rock. I look’s as if it was put there intentionally and had not been there long but at the same time it appears as if it is part of the rock embedded the stone growing around it creating an indentation in the solid granite.
I reach for the key, as I do the creature moves forward it is joined my others first one then two, it turns into a crowd circling me. I am not afraid I feel I have been traveling to this place my whole life to be here now this place this time. They begin to sound almost a screeching sound, bone chilling I step back. This creates even more excitement I move forward they begin to chant I unison, I once again reach for the key this time I touch it. It is embedded in the stone I cannot move it. The creature moves closer and as he chants he encourages me to join in. I do so and the mountain is filled with the sound of our voices 100 times more volume than we alone could produce. The Key begins to move dislodging itself from the stone I take it into my hand. The moment the key is in my grip I am blinded by light every cell of my being is filled with light. I cannot see I cannot feel. Only the light energy filling my body and the world around me is sensation I feel one with the universe. The key disappears my heart opens flesh exposed to the sky the earth I feel open to any of those who may enter. As if in a moment in time, frozen the key moves through my body becoming one with my spirit. I rise my feet leaving the ground every so slightly chest high head to the sky. The creatures darkness closes in upon itself like a black hole not that I have ever seen a black hole but the effect can be described no other way he disappeared into himself. Reappearing as Charlie, laughing as a school child, almost as if he was laughing at me. “ A bit dramatic are we?” Charlie what the fuck are you talking about I just met the devil and you where the hell were you. “ I was here all the time always have been I am your middle soul that connects all the others the missing link to your puzzle of self.” “ You did it you found the key I am no longer here I am you are me and for ever we will be.” Now let’s get going times a wasting we have work to do. “ Charlie what the hell are you talking about?” “Simple you have unlocked self the key to your heart the missing link you cannot be the best you can be and ever find your highest good without the key” Now let’s get to work, there is much to do. I have been waiting for you for too long almost gave up on you did I. But how could I you and I being one in the same. Welcome back, now can we get to work?

The Clouds Meet the Sea

The clouds meet the sea, overcast unable to tell where one ends the other begins, the color, a soft blue, a color that could match your eyes should they be blue, as they are. I remember them as clearly as I do my own. The sounds of the valley full of life, crickets frogs, dogs barking. It is sunset, hidden under the blanket of a sea of blue, and yet the cantor sings. It is coming to the end of my time in Phuket. For this trip anyway, I have come to love this island and I suspect that Thailand holds many opportunities for me in the future for exploration. The people the countryside the culture and my soul. I look forward to spending this time learning the ways of this beautiful land and culture. There are many things I will miss until my return, but most of all I think I will miss the cantor. Sunrise and sunset he sings, a sound track for the day, setting the tone clearing the space. You would love it too, I am sure. The effect is both calming and inspiring at the same time. This one piece of Thailand will forever be apart of my spirit living embedded in my memories, until my return. This Island is changing so fast I fear for the demise of all that makes this land and it’s people unique and so beautiful. Change is inevitable it is happening throughout the planet. It cannot be stopped it is up to us to determine the direction and the future of our combined destiny. If we do not take control and co-create I fear the outcome. Co-creation is the only answer. Co-creation can be our biggest challenge, from the micro cosmic to the macro, there and so many dynamics that can create challenges in the co-creation process.
The culture here is very deep and the process of change will take a long course before the common people will adapt to even the most simple things such as cooking in doors. My friends Sally and Sue who are in the process of building nine very large luxury villas, told me a story of when the workers arrived and they had not yet provided lodging on the property for them, Sally and Sue rented hotel rooms for the workers. One would think that they would love to be put up in a hotel, on the contrary, they hated it. They could not have a Thai kitchen and they were used to bathing outdoors. Today they live on site in the basement of one of the uncompleted houses. They have converted it into a series of apartments housing in a communal setting maybe 30 people complete with their families wives and children. They cook out doors, they bath out doors and they sleep on the floor, and they are very happy. This is their way, their culture and it runs as deep as it is old.
Sally and Sue have a team of people who look after the house. The other night I was invited for dinner and I was involved with writing on my computer and so when I was called to dinner I stalled a bit as I was in the middle of a thought and wanted to finish to make sure I captured my thoughts. Sue came to me and said Jeff you must come to dinner now because the staff will not eat until we do. I said but Sue they have their own apartment tell them to go ahead and eat. She told me no they cannot it is not their culture. They cannot eat before the boss does. Culture runs deep.
This culture have been in development for thousands of years, it bonds the people and it gives them security, and piece of mind. I have always felt that this is one of the pieces missing in American society. It makes since as we are still a young country and we have been populated by a mix of cultures from around the world, this continues today. We have culture in America but it is usually isolated in communities of immigrants brig the culture of their homelands with them. We have yet developed a true American culture. It takes time and solidarity to do this. I wonder if it will ever happen. The general population of our country is split even in our youthful cultural development. It is split into the southern culture, the Midwest , the east coast north and south, central and the, west coast again north and south. This lack of unifying culture is a challenge to any hope of having alignment of ideals and perceptions of who we are as a people.
I hope that as we grow as a country that we can learn to develop a common culture. One that helps us understand each other better and will help us be better understood in the world and by our own leaders.

Partying with God

His body convulsing, contorting, he shook as if the spirit of the universe was moving through him. Periodically he would yell out in a tone that was at the same time frightening and then moving. The depth of his soul driving voice moved to the point of gurgitation. His eyes were closed unless opening as he looked to the sky but unable as his eyes rolled back into his head. Then not un expectant as the force of his moving spirit, so forceful, I had been wondering if he would purge from his toes and release all the poison of his being; he vomited the bile spewing from his body releasing what I can only imagine. This is his preparation to stand before God in total surrender giving himself up in totality and trust to such a degree that he could thrust a shoot of bamboo through his body without feeling any pain and as if miraculous without bleeding. I have just witnessed my first Medium, known as mar song, in his process of opening his spirit in hopes to be possessed by one of the Nine Emperor Gods. The mediums dress in costumes befitting the god that has possesses them. It is believed that the god will protect them from serious harm while they perform the various rites and acts of self mortification.
I had been told of the power of these believers in the spirit of God and had been looking forward to seeing the demonstrations first hand. This is the Phuket Vegetarian Festival, celebrated by the Chinese community in Phuket for over 170 years. It is Phuket's most important festival held over nine days during the ninth lunar month of the Chinese calendar (usually in late September or early October).
One of the foundational beliefs of the festival is that by eating vegetarian food and observing certain commitments believers will purify their body and soul, as well as bringing good fortune upon themselves and the community.
The legend of the Festival begins with a theater-troupe from China visiting Phuket at the same time an epidemic of Malaria broke out. The members of the theater-troupe, hopeless and distressed they remembered the traditional and ancient religious crafts of their ancestors. But they had no priest to memorize and conduct the rituals. So they sent messengers back home to China to refresh and reconnect with the old spiritual arts.
 Eventually these messengers returned to Phuket, enlightened with the knowledge of how to invoke the spirits, and ceremony began. Shortly after, the deadly disease lost its strangulating grip on the people of Phuket and disappeared.
 Since then, the ceremony has been held annually by the Chinese population on Phuket. The event gaining greater popularity each year. And now it is not just a"Chinese thing" any more, although the Chinese community still is the driving force of the festival. The believers, in order to invoke spirits, perform the self mutilations as well as many different forms of passionate worship and surrender they call the "Worship of Gods".
As I witness the spectacle I could not help but think of the western demonstrations of faith that I am familiar with such as spiritual healing and the laying of hands. I have been to and participated in some very passionate and inspiring demonstrations of both. I once was the center of a healing as I took to the altar of the church kneeling before God and community asking for the Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness and proclaiming my belief in him as the true savior. The minister laying his hands upon my head as I repeated a simple yet powerful chant my desire being to be touch by the Holy Spirit. The community joining in one by one until the entire congregation in attendance surrounded me laying hands first upon me and then upon each other creating a sort of circle of light energy all of which was focused on me. All around me people were speaking in tongues, some moved by the power of the Holy Spirit yelling out and falling back into the supportive arms of those around them, sometimes in a trance their bodies shaking as their eyes would roll back in their heads, others passing out all together. Halleluiah halleluiah repeated over and over within the crowd as they channeled their passion and faith into my energy body helping me on my path to salvation. As I kneeled in the center of this passionate focus I remember feeling the power of all this energy moving through me as if I was a conduit for the entire congregations spiritual connection with God. My body shook I cried as I chanted myself into a trance in complete surrender to the moment I felt one with all in attendance and in the hands of God. This went on for quite some time. But at some point I stood and thanked all of the supporting cast for their efforts in helping me receive the Holy Spirit which would be evidenced by my ascension into the club of tongues. Regardless of their passionate support I was either not ready, was too rational , or simply did not have the faith to surrender. My mind kept wandering into a place of marveling at the sheer spectacle of the entire congregation circling me creating a matrix of hands upon one another resulting in the energy loop that was both visceral and moving. I marveled at those that were touched by light and being thrown by the force of nature and belief into a world beyond. As I stood and made my apologies I could see the look of amazement, confusion and even disappointment on their faces, as I simply stood and walked away knowing this is not my day and possibly not my way. My moment in the circle of believers was moving and transformational, I think of it often and as a result of my experience I gained a respect for conviction and commitment to a higher power that has both supported me on my spiritual path but also inspired me to open my mind and heart to believers of all faiths, understanding that the most important piece is to believe. I have studied and practiced I have joined in many different varieties of celebration of spirit. But nothing comes close to the passion and commitment to tradition and belief I witnessed here in Phuket town during the vegetarian festival. This is not a festival where vegetarians gather and commune, sharing recipes. They believe that at this time God comes to Phuket and as a way to show respect and gain the favor of the gods they refrain from sex, alcohol, smoking and eating flesh. They call this the vegetarian festival. I heard that this event was to happen during my visit but was never given a complete historical and spiritual perspective until the morning to the night I went to the central Chinese temple to witness for myself this powerful demonstration of the belief in and respect for relationship to a higher power. I was fortunate at the last minute the morning of the day I had planned to go and search out the place that the famous demonstrations take place to have breakfast with a very charming new friend. She is Bangkok born a mix of Chinese and Thai she is fluent in English. The joke was that she spoke five languages, Chinese, Thai, Queens English, American, and Australian. After our 2 hour breakfast on the bayside deck outside of her hotel suite in Chalong Bay she introduced me to the owners of the hotel. A very charming Chinese couple both Buddhists who have lived on Phuket for many years. They told me the legend that inspires the 9 day celebration is that for these 9 days God comes to Phuket. In that Phuket has the honor to host the most honored guest the believers show respect by wearing white or yellow, do the vegetarian thing and have celebration and ritual throughout the 9 days. It is as if they are throwing a party for God.
I have been to the festival grounds twice once during the day and once at night.
As I graze through the scene snacking on the different offerings from the food booths I look for anything that is unrecognizable, this is my way too have a full experience.
http://www.phuket-info.com/vegeterian.htm. Not once did I try a dish that was not absolutely delicious. I am still not inspired to become once again a vegetarian but I do have a new perspective of the vast variety of dishes that are possible with vegetables alone.
I can commit when I return next year to partake in the festival 100% stopping sort only of becoming a medium and performing acts of self mutilation. However upon reflection this is not too different than my apparently once a year mutilations brought on by my passion for pushing the edge whether or not I am on a mountain Bike, skis, or a motorcycle.

I will return next year with a deeper understanding of the rituals and I will partake in all of the parades and demonstrations. It is a beautiful time of year here and I have made some good friends, I look forward to revisiting.
In conclusion this experience has affirmed my commitment to believing in absolutely everything, has you ever seen a butterfly? If so how could you not.

Spirit Calling

This morning was unusual the roosters still crowed beginning with big Daddy the others following suit but today is different as it is the end of Ramadan a Muslim holiday. The day began with people throughout the valley going out into the streets just after Big Daddies first crow, and crowing right along with him. It was the most unusual experience I have had the opportunity to witness and share. I had taken a couple of sleeping pills having not any sleep the night before. A combination of my motorcycle wounds and a high level of dancing spirit reaching out through my body, kept me awake most of the night. Regardless of the effect of the sleeping aids the commotion throughout he valley this morning woke me before or just at sunrise. I got up and went outside to see what all the commotion was about. A very powerful sight not only was everyone up and out but people from the villages were all going to the the larger towns to gather at the Mosque. Muslims from throughout the valley all mobilizing to the center of their spiritual community. Horns honking and people yelling and singing the neighborhood loudspeakers carrying the voice of the neighborhood cantor as a sort of a background sound track for the whole scene that was right out of central casting. The energy was so infectious that I wanted to join them but this is not the place for tourist, and no matter how committed I might have been to share in the spiritual experience I fear I would have been viewed a voyeur. I was Ok with this as I had another mission to accomplish. The visual background to the march of the faithful was the most stunning, breathtaking sunrise I have had the blessing to view in my entire life. Every color of the color spectrum was represented. There was even shades of green; this is not a color I remember ever seeing in a sunrise. I have been working with my new high end camera to get the sort of shots I see in magazines produced be the pros. I have not been able to even get close to the richness and depth of color I see produced by the more experienced photographers. I am have not been discouraged, I recognize I am still learning. I was naïve in thinking the learning curve would be less and that I would certainly be taking pictures like a pro in a couple of months, well I was wrong. I do a reasonably good job with composition and subjects but this color and depth thing has been a real challenge. I am sharing this a because I am so excited that this morning I must say I got some really great pictures!! Deep rich and the colors vibrant and dynamic; very close to my eyes view. I have always believed that the true art in photography is to capture the vision of your eye in such a way as to communicate your relationship, feelings and inspiration to, of and from the subject. However sunsets and sunrises are not to be interpreted just getting the shot in such a way as to capture the depth and shear beauty is the best and really the only way to shoot it. I am so excited I have made a breakthrough into a whole new realm of photography! Getting back to the Ramadan celebration, I am inspired to study the Muslim religion to have a better understanding of the passion these people have for their belief I really have a limited perspective and living in a community that has such a large Muslim population within a predominantly Buddhist culture has inspired me to learn more. The Muslims I have met have been very kind to me and are such beautiful people. I am very respectful of their devotion to their faith. This week there is a vegetarian festival in Phuket town. Every one wears white the streets are full of food booths offering exotic vegetarian dishes. It is very colorful and there is ceremony everywhere. Drum troops children parading through the town with flags doing dances and singing. I have not been at night but I hear that the scene is even more colorful. Tonight is my night for this experience. I have been invited to dinner twice to a restaurant Ka Joc See. There is a marketing concept that has been around for some time it defines what the author sees as an experience economy. The owner of this restaurant really gets this concept, in fact he gets it so well that I think he could have either written the book that bears the title “ the Experience economy” or at least inspired it. This restaurant has been around for 15 years and my friend Ian tells me that from day one the place has been rocking. First the food is outstanding but the really fun part is that the owner employs shills there are three very beautiful women with great personalities and are great dancers. Then there are three men who fit the same description. The owner sits behind a screen out of view he is the DJ he reminds of the wizard of OZ. The other night when I was there with Ian and Sally and Sue two new friends that have retired here after a lifetime in the fashion industry. They are super fun very nice and they love to dance. This is a good thing because at Ka Joc See everybody dances. We took our seats and within just a few minutes one of the girls employed by the restaurant comes over taking my hand she and I start the groove basically all four of us were up dancing in the middle of the small restaurant before we even got our drinks. This goes on all night the scene heating up as the evening builds to people dancing on the tables men striped of their shirts limbo candles in the middle of the floor where men and women both take turns dancing over the candles in a sort of progression and in a very provocative manner. Next the transvestite Diana Ross impersonator appears and flat out blows the room away singing Motown hit after another. This is world class this man/woman really sings and does not miss a lick note perfect complete with costumes and all the traditional Motown moves, she is joined from time to time by a couple of the girls also with live mikes singing background this class A karaoke. I promise an amazing time is had by all guaranteed by the master coordinator behind the silk screen. Before I knew it we had four courses of fantastic cuisine and four hours of dancing the light fantastic totally forgetting my wounded knee! I have never experienced anything like this for certain. If a place like this opened in Miami or New York there would be lines around the block. Sadly enough I think Portland would miss it all together.
This is defiantly a Phuket town experience. I can’t wait to go back who knows maybe tonight, I have not danced so much since Johnny Travolta weighed 150 pounds!

The Measure Of a Man

A Measure of a Man:

If I were to take the entirety of my life and put it on a scale what would it look like. The bigger question is what could I measure. Would it be accomplishments, friends, lives I have touched, money I have spent, the size of my heart the depth of my soul, the strength of my body, possessions, obstacles I have overcome, happiness, primary relationships, children and their safety, happiness, and resolve. Have I left anything out? Probably regardless the next step would be to look at all the above on both sides of the scale. I have looked at each day as a new beginning a birthday to be celebrated; felt the pain and the joy of sacrifice, I now look to the measurement of life, mine. In it’s most romantic sense it is easy to wake up each day and wipe out the past and begin anew. But as I believe even in rebirth there is Karma. And can I forget that I failed as a driver so I crashed a motorcycle, as every day I look at rebirth, I look into the mirror and see the scare upon my face. With the concept of Karma embodied then I must accept that upon rebirth I still carry the debts and the scares of the past. I can redefine in the rebirth process but the highest potential outcome would be to be a better, stronger, person, more capable of managing my Karma from this life and those behind me, and the relationship to the scares that never heal. It has been said that the measure of a mans life are those who walk beside him or those who stand by his grave. I believe it is how I feel in my heart and how strong my spirit is. Bruce Springsteen wrote in one of my favorite of his songs “ I remember being 5 years old following behind you tracings your footprints in the sand trying to walk like a man.” I did not have a teacher or guide to what is means to be a man. Through my life I have looked to many as my guides taking a little here and a little there. Today I am filled with self doubt, defeat, and questions of trust. My life is committed to mastery, how much of this is illusion, how much truth. Can a life be measured and if so only against oneself.
I my biggest critic and judge but if not me then who. Today I will walk on the beach and leave my own foot prints in the sand trying to walk like a man.
IF
by Rudyard Kippling

If you can keep your head
when all about you are losing theirs
And blaming it on you.
If you can trust yourself
when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too.
If you can dream and not make dreams your master.
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim.
If you can meet with triumph and disaster.
And treat those two impostors just the same.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
And stoop and build'em up with worn out tools.
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch and toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss.
If you can force your heart, and nerve, and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so "hold on" when there is nothing on you
except the will which says to them "hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch.
If neither foe nor loving friend can hurt you.
If all men count with you ... but none too much.
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds worth of distant run.
Yours is the earth, and everything that's in it.
And which is more ... You'll be a Man, my son.
HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.

I ache to be a better me……………..

How Much is Enough

The deeper I go into self I keep coming up with the concept of sacrifice. I was told once by my therapist that the minute you understand the price you are paying for any action you then have the opportunity to decide if the price is too much if it, is it is in our nature to stop whatever action we are questioning. This could be smoking, drinking, a job, or any relationship. Everything we do is a relationship, whether it is with self or another, the other does not have to be a person as I mentioned it can be an addiction or an activity of any kind. If we are spending too much for the result than this becomes personal sacrifice.
This can be a betrayal to ones spirit. Slowly killing the one element of your being that is in my opinion the most important. One can deal with most anything life can throw at you providing your have a strong spirit. The balance between sacrifice and gain must be equal and hopefully the gain outweighs the sacrifice, we could call this the investment.
Work is this way. We sacrifice time away from our families sometimes and for many of us our work is not aligned with what we love most. How many musicians are working in music stores because they cannot make a living as an artist, or even working in data processing. Put this together with not having time to play in the evenings because of family obligations or simply we are too tired.
How long can we go spending more than we are getting in return, until we run out. This is when we have nervous breakdowns, make bad decisions in our lives; throwing good money after bad. In gambling we call in knowing when to walk away, as your have already spent more than you can afford. This is when we are tempted to double down to try to win back what we have lost, this almost never works. When the chips are down it is time to walk. Your health or your self esteem are to much valuable to risk. They are difficult to renew and often impossible.
I was really taken back when my friend asked me this very hard question “Jeff how much is this costing you, and is it worth it. Because if it is not it will kill you, if not your health your spirit.” I had never looked at this perspective and even though I am aware of the concerp I still find myself having a difficult time discerning, the cost benefit ratio, there are so many aspects to life. There are many gray areas, this is not like sitting at a Blackjack table where even there, the awareness of when you have spent to much can be difficult, even though it is much more tactile than the issues of the body mind and spirit.
So the question is how much is enough? This could be the most difficult question any of us ever have to ask ourselves.
The challenges are always compounded by our emotional buy in to any given situation.
Telling ourselves selling points such as; but I know it will work, I am committed, if I try a little harder, what else could I do. Our identity gets wrapped up into our commitments and have a tendency to blind us. Emotional commitment and passion are good and valuable aspects of the human spirit but also potentially dangerous. How else can we explain people who stay in an abusive relationship, or George Bush standing before us looking us all in the eye and saying we will stay the course. Against all advice and with all the criticism he receives is he spending too much or is he receiving benefits that are hidden to us. It is the same with those in abusive relationships, or failing businesses. I once had a business that failed and even though the writing was on the wall I took it to the very end, left with only enough gas money to go find a construction job. Had I not found a job in that first day I would have had to leave my truck on the side of the road or slept in it. I was emotionally involved and therefore took it too far. Was the reward of knowing I gave it my best shot, my bottom dollar, enough to protect and feed my spirit? Looking back I can now say no it was not. The question I sit with tonight is where else had I over spent? The biggest problem here is that I am beginning to recognize that this is cumulative. Each time we over spend we get in a sort of exponential downward spiral. And if we go to the point of no return then we begin to borrow from rationale. This begins a similar situation as when we get into credit card debt we begin to borrow from our bodies to feed our spirit or our spirit to feed our bodies or our mind to feed all of the above. I once heard that” the degree that one regrets their position is the degree one will distort reality to support it, ” this is most certainly a slow suicide.
So how much is enough, is there any area in your life that the sacrifice is greater than the return. A complicated question to be sure as life is not that simple there are so many threads in the fabric of our lives. But think of a pair of blue jeans, if you get a hole in the knee how long does it take for that hole to grow before the jeans are completely useless and the hole beyond repair.
How much is enough, this is the hard question at least for me tonight.

Today is the rest of my Life

Her name is Mum, fits her perfectly. Mum is in her late 60’s if is she is a day. She is my snooze alarm the rooster being the first ring. Precisely 10 minutes before sunrise he beings his calling out to the world. If he has a name it may be Big Daddy. I say this because slowly after Big Daddy begins his morning wake up call the other Rosters begin. One by one they wake up and begin to contribute to big Daddy’s crowing. Soon there is a chorus, impossible to ignore. I quite like it nature waking the world with the call of a rooster. Once Mum has had time to put herself together maybe an hour or so after Big Daddy’s first call she in her Muslim wrap begins to sweep the entire property where my little bungalow is located. There are 8 bungalows a large open sided barn looking garage and tool building and a large and very beautiful manor house. I could be similar to an old plantation layout. If I do not get up with the sounds or the rooster crows, my snooze alarm Mum comes along and I hear her gentle sweeping the yard. I love to lie in bed and listen to the sound and I love that she does this. It is natures way. Luca you know how you can take a chicken leg and pull the ligaments and make the claws move, this is how I feel today as if there is a foreign being pulling on the my ligaments makes my hand cramp involuntary. I think this gives me some insight to how a woman must feel as nature takes over her body in the child bearing process it feels some times as if my body is not my own It is natures way.
My wounds are healing slowly but they are healing. I dress them twice a day, I really took a big fall this time much worse than my trail riding bike accident two years ago and that was a bad fall. Good news is I am healing. I have been focusing during my morning meditations at the Temple on taking each day as an opportunity to redefine myself. Who do I want to be today, how do I want to feel and how will I address the challenges before me, each day is my birthday the first day of the rest of my life no before only now and visions of tomorrow.
I continue to count my blessings the greatest is my children. We their mother and I decided to have a family I told her that I wanted to have clearly defined roles she being the primary care giver and I the bread winner. To that point in my life I had never held a child. The only reason I decided to move forward with the family thing was that I had reached a point that I loved her so much that I could think of no better way to show this love and to celebrate it was to give her what see wanted so dearly children. I told her this on her 32nd birthday and we proceeded with a bottle of cheap Champaign and a fire to lay in font of the fire and make love. The sensation was instant, we both felt it and there was no doubt that she had been impregnated at that very moment in front of the fire in our modest house in South East Portland. Nine months later Monica was born and ever thogh I said I would not be a front line Dad the moment I met Monica I could not keep my hands off of her. One year later after Monicas first birthday party JoAnne and I recreated the fireplace experience and Colin was seeded and his life began, nine months later the same experience happened for me it was love at first sight. Children have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, it is natures way.
I hade broken through the community here I think it was a 2 week rule, Once you pass the two week mark you are no longer a tourist and at that point the locals began to open up to me. Since then I have made some very nice friends. Two groups of developers, one has asked me to consult with the. I will go over their plans and strategy and offer any insights I may have. I look forward to this. In seeing all the development here I have reconnected with my love of bluilding. The others are two women Sally and Sue. Very dymamic smart and successful they are building 9 high end houses. They started the project with Sally’s then partner, lover, friend Max. Six months ago Max died in his sleep leaving the whole dream in Sallys’s hand. Never having experience in development this has been a huge challenge for her. She has stepped up to the plate with the support of her friend of 25 years a Thai lady Sue. And together they leaned in the fire how to be developers. I admire them and Sally in particular very much against all odds, she was in a non option position and she has delivered. Good job Sally you deserve all best that world has to offer.
I wish the two of you all the luck and joy in the world.

One of the local magazines is doing a piece on Nia. In a conversation with another of my new friends Ian the editor ( Barry) mentioned this and Ian said this is a fun coincidence I just had dinner with the Ceo of Nia. Barry called me the next day and asked me to go over the piece. There were a few facts that needed to be corrected but all in all a really nice coverage of Nia. In our conversation I mentioned to Barry the editor that I was a bit of a writer, and let it go at that. The next day he emailed me and asked me if I would be interested in writing a piece on billboard pollution on the Island. He said he wanted a slightly humorus tone a bit of tongue and cheek. I accepeted the offer. However as I began to right and give some real thought to this I had a difficult time finding a way to spin the story in the way he directed, bascally I saw no humor in the subject matter. So I wrote what I wanted 1,287 words 87 words over his request. I sent it off to him really expecting him to reject it but on the contray, he loved it so now I am a published photo journalist an international one at that! My first paying gig as a writer and photographer, I am ecited about this.
It was a challenge and I stepped up to the plate and hit a home run and made a new friend.

The frogs out side my window have stopped the nightly serenade I assume that the mating season is over so no more foggier orgies outside my window.

I am continuing to get to know the locals better and better. In fact I have a difficlt time even walking to town, someone almost always stops to offer me a ride. This gives me as opportunity to connect with a new friend and I love it that they do this.
I miss my walk but the sacrifice is worth it.
I continue to go to the temple to pray and the monks warm more to me every day. They now see me not as a tourist but respect that we are all committed to a similar if not the same devotion. My theme remains today is my birthday, I am my new self.
One last note my Italian studying is coming along very well I look forward to surprising my friends in Venice I am sure that Luca will be sure to put me to the test. Chi Vediamo a presto Vechhio.
Today is the rest of my life, Happy birthday to all of you.
Love Jeff Stewart

Waiting for the world to change

I have written to a few of my friends asking for suggestions of songs for me to learn as I want to build a new acoustic set. ( anyone have any ideas send them to stewartniaceo@yahoo.com) I miss playing and I like to play out but my old set list is stale and I have not been listening to much new music these past 11 years my life consumed with family and Nia. Each one of them suggested among others one song in common “Waiting For the World to Change” by John Mayer. I learned the song it is a very easy song for me to play, basic blues and my voice can not only reach all the notes but this sort of song is simply my kind of song both from a tonal and voice perspective.
But as I sat learning the song I found myself sad and depressed. Here is a guy who is very popular and an influence on his generation singing that basically, there is no hope and that he and his friends are “waiting on the world to change.” He speaks of the hopelessness of the situation and how powerless he feels in the face of the powers that be. I find this sad, it maybe true to a degree but sending a message to the world or at least his fans and a generation that it is useless so you might as well kick back and wait?

I had dinner with a couple of young 40 something’s who are into the big development business here in Phuket. Although these are the only developers I have spoken too I will assume that most of what they told me was true. When we met I asked some questions about the development processes here in Thailand and this led to our dinner together. I drilled them with questions. I asked them how can a foreigner buy land and develop. Are all the buildings made of concrete. Who are the buyers the list goes on but for now this will give you an idea of what I found out. In one of my last post I described a large condo development where the workers lived in a tin shack shanty town across the street from the development. At that time I questioned where was all the money being spent to build 40 unit condo projects with the starting price 1,000,000 and going up to 2.5 million. I knew the materials were cheap and the labor as well. I even went into a fixture store with high end fixtures and found that this was not where the major expenses were. At that time I assumed that the land must eat up a major portion of the expense budget. The developers I had dinner with told me that while the land prices are high certainly higher than just a few years ago and going up all the time, they were still very reasonable and still very cheap compared to the world we know. These gentlemen are from London one is an economist the other marketing man. Neither had any prior building experience, but they knew of Phuket the marketing guy had a second home here for years which included a Thai girlfriend , whether or not his wife in the UK knew of the girlfriend I did not ask and so therefore do not know, this has little bearing of my conclusion however it does give insight to the character of the team. Both of them worked for a major UK bank and were posted in Hong Kong when they were both let go at the same time. Marketing guy tells economist guy let’s go to Phuket and chill and regroup and decide what to do next. They decided to build this development company. They put together a plan found investors along with a Thai landowner who put up the land and off they went. I think they were interested in getting to know me better as I maybe some one who could join their group as an investor or at the very least sell me a Condo. Now don’t get me wrong these are very nice men, and of the proper English type. Blue blood well schooled and very well mannered and charming. So in the end I asked them if the materials are cheap the land is cheap and the labor is even cheaper than where is all the money going “In our bank accounts we are making a killing here!” I am sure that there are less successful stories of foreign investors here in Thailand as well as other third world countries but the bottom line is the rich are getting very rich here and in China and India and Vietnam and the poor are just staying poor. Is this right? If they paid the workers a higher wage would it screw up the culture or the economy? These are very big questions, the workers all seem happy enough. At the end of the evening as we paid the bill of thirty dollars apiece (this was a very nice high end restaurant) I tipped the waitress 3 dollars, I handed the money directly to her as I wanted to be sure that she knew it was for her I bowed and said thank you in Thai. My dinner hosts told me that I tipped her way to much and that I would spoil her for next time, this was not good for them. Now remember that these are young millionaire developers; something is wrong here at least by my estimation.
I tell you this story because as I travel I am becoming more and more aware that the world does not need to change the people do. You try to tell a trucker in Beijing that he needs to not drive his highly polluting truck and he will just laugh at you as will the government that supports him, they as he are delighted that he has a truck, any truck that will transport goods so they can keep getting richer. Why are all the big tech companies moving all their manufacturing to these countries? Not because they are going broke and need the economic advantage it is because they are capitalist and as so the primary objective is to make more money keeping the stock holders happy so they can afford to travel to these beautiful lands and travel in an isolated style much like me in my Oriental limousine touring Bangkok for a day. They stay in protected enclaves and never see the poverty and the reality of the land except from beautiful hotels on pristine beaches or on luxury cruse boats meandering down the beautiful rivers. All the while being waited on hand and foot by servants who are making 20 dollars a day at a hotel that is charging 300-5,000 dollars a night. That’s right John Just keep on waiting and in the mean time you can do so with your millions of rock dollars in a 5,000 dollars a night suite on a private beach almost anywhere in the world. But be sure to use the helicopter service I would not want you to get your 3,000.00 cowboy boots dirty. Maybe you should call up Bono and see if he can join you for lunch you may learn something.
A few years back I was taking some classes at Portland State University I had enrolled in a student taught class titled Anarchy. I loved this class it introduced me to some of the great writings of some of the great revolutionaries and anarchist in history; Noam Chomsky, Emma Goldman, Peter Kropotkin, and many more. My class mates were primarily of the expected group young anarchist in their own right although mostly uninformed and naive they were a passionate group. One day we were having a discussion of Aids in Africa. For the most part the group was passionate as always making judgments and questioning why it was such a big challenge to get these people to recognize the danger of unprotected sex with multiple partners. After a considerable amount of debate on the subject a young woman who I must say looked as out of place in this group as I. She dressed conservative was blond bright cheerful face, one would wonder if she was missing cheerleading practice. To this point she had stayed out of the debates and was for the most part a bystander. But this particular debate really pushed her button and she stood up and told us that she had just returned from Africa living in the bush for two years with a nomadic tribe. She told us that the one thing that none of us could never understand without experiencing it was that these people had nothing, their lives were full of day to day survival, death of children starvation and disease and fear of an invasion of any of a number of ruthless marauders from either the government or maybe a neighboring tribe. The only thing they had to look forward to at the end of the day was love and human touch and when they crawled into their tents at night they could give a damm about unprotected sex and as far as multiple partners they were happy to have anyone to hold and love. Tell them that if they continue these practices they will die, and they have not the capacity to relate. They are dying anyway and their children are dying in exorbitant numbers and so what difference does it make to them if it is Aids, starvation, or any other disease or marauding thugs from other tribes or the government that slauters them for little or no gain. Needless to say this humbled all of us and shut the righteous down a couple of notches.
If we want to change the world we have to change the people. From the big cat capitolist right down to the people in the streets in all countries western world and third world alike.
Because as it stands we have no unity and we have not collectively reached a point of pain that will force change, and when we do will it could be too late.
Wouldn’t it be great for the capitalist to learn that they can spread the wealth and become even richer. But I imagine this would involve a certain amount of undetermined risk and this is the most feared concept to any capitalist undetermined risk. It will be long time coming for this to happen. Thank you bill Gates an Bill Walton, Bono and my friends JR for doing what you can but it is a drop in the bucket. But if we can all get off our butts and away from our noise boxes (TV’s) and go out into our community and spend time with fatherless children volunteer time at the schools and at the SBA, follow in Paul Newman’s steps, maybe there is hope. Here is a math project for you if the richest 15% of the planet gave one days income four times a year to change how much would that be.
I think it would fill the bucket. And if the rest of us spent one days time four times a year sharing our knowledge or our sweat and time how much would that be. Can we ask the hard questions and would it be enough I think so, it would be a great start. And if you need to feel pain to change take your imagination to the future where we risk all in hopes of having it all so we can play golf on yet another pristine golf course while our wives luxuriate in the beautiful spa being pampered by people who make less in a year than your purse cost.
Think about it someone needs to, or do we.
Nothing radical is going to happen in our life times or will it and who gives a damm.
I do.
And don’t forget all the money in the world can not buy you piece of mind or a full heart.
The problem is even though we are all the same we are not.
How do you change the world if 90% of the people in it are very content with things as they are, they cannot see beyond their own backyard or their bank account.

One last story I met a man in Bangkok who is in the jewelry business. He grew up in New York City he his 59 years old and was immersed in the hippy movement remember the hippies. Peace love hippy beads and a passion for changing the world. So many of the songs of that era were on this very subject. He fucked around with his hippy ideologies until he was 30 then kids came he settled down and got into the jewelry business. To this day he smokes pot daily and dresses like a hippy, his two boys went to the best schools both of them being hired in the first round draft picks from major investment houses both of them choosing careers in investment banking. They are both not yet 30 and already multi millionaires living in million + condos on the upper eastside. As you can imagine dad is very proud of his boys. What was he this Jewish pot smoking hippy jeweler doing in Thailand? Checking up on his 400 person factory in a remote area in Thailand. Why is his factory here….
Labor is cheap. What happened to the dreams of most of an entire generation of dreamers. They had families and that is more important than the world.
I leave you with an assignment, Get out a collection of your old hippy disks a bottle of wine lie on your living room floor in your beautiful home and remember and think what can I do in one hour a week to make a difference, and if your are are you doing enough.
I suggest you begin with John Lennon Imagine and end with the same.
And for you John Mayer your assignment is to write a song of hope and action.
It is our world and we hold the paint brush to paint it any color we want.
Whether or not we like it the power is in our hands, too change or not.

Wounded In Phuket

I was invited to have lunch with a friend of Mark and Rhonda’s in Phuket City.
His name is Ian and we had a great time together. The restaurant was fantastic and it was good to have some good conversation with a very interesting man. He has done so many different things in his life, filmmaker, stuntman, entrepreneur. On the way into Phuket town I was stopped by the police and given a ticket for not wearing a helmet. This turned out to be a very good thing. As I was leaving Phuket City to return home I was cut off by a fellow cyclist and took the big dive, basically I got in a wreak. Rhonda the bike is ok I however am pretty banged up. The left side of my face is hamburger and my left knee as well is swollen and cut up pretty bad. I ruined my favorite Thailand travel pants and my favorite shirt. Sorry to not have posted recently but yesterday I was in bed all day dosing off and on with pain killers also my left eye is almost swollen shut so it is difficult to focus for very long, it begins to water and then I can not see out of it at all. This is the worst bang up I have had in a long time and for those who know me that is saying a lot.
The wreak happened when a woman who had two children as a passengers on her motor scooter in heavy traffic in Phuket town cut me off I either let her rear wheel connect with my front wheel or turn sharply to avoid her. Either way I would have gone down but I chose to not take her with me. The road was muddy and wet with all of the rain we have been having so I had no chance of recovery. I hit the ground so fast I did not even have time to take me hands off of the handle grips. My head slammed into the curb, it is a very good thing I had my helmet on. I remember thinking this as I hit the curb “ Damm I’m glad I have this helmet on.” There is a fun part to the story. As I picked myself and the bike up and was checking to see if there was any damage to the bike as well as check to see if I had broken any bones, I determined quickly that the bike was ok, a little dent on the front basket easy to fix and I had no broken bones. I did not bother to look in to the mirror to see my wounds. As you can imagine I was in shock so the pain had not yet set in. I was approached by a young man, he spoke no English. I told him I was ok and as I started up the bike to drive away he reached over me and turned off the bike took the keys and put down the kick stand. He made me look into the mirror of the bike and I then saw the blood streaming down my face. He then grabbed me by the hand and led me off of the bike and while holding my hand the entire time walked me through the parking lot into a store that was sort of a Payless. He marched me into the infirmary and the two women in attendance quickly stripped me down to my underwear. Remember your mama always telling you to wear nice clean underwear? Well I was happy I had any on at all, and yes they were nice and clean. The two of them scraped the gravel out of my wounds and cleaned me up applying iodine. When the iodine appeared the young man who was still standing next to me took me hand so I could squeeze his hand as this was the really painful part of the clean up process. They charged me nothing and after I dressed my angel again took my hand not letting go of it the entire time walked me back to my bike.
He took the helmet out of the basket and put it on my head and strapped me in like I was a child. He bowed to me and I thanked him bowing back and then I was on my way home to lick my wounds. The next day I went to the local pharmacy and was very happy to find a very beautiful and fluent English speaking pharmacist on hand she stocked me up with healing potions and instructions. One hundred dollars later and a sack of remedies in hand I was on my way to the Jeff Stewart infirmary. Where I have been ever since. I am happy that I am well stocked with food having just been to the market the night before my accident.
So no worries to all of you and me I will heal and be back at it soon enough. And remember that this trip is about Ego so I am not even worried that I will most likely have a nice souvenir scare on my cheek to remind me, to one wear a helmet and two beware of women carrying two children on a motorbike and three there is always an angel close by.
I have always liked the pirate look anyway, goes with my earring!
Until next time wounded in Phuket…………

Definition Of Self

I just had a huge Frog jump up onto my deck! I have been playing guitar maybe he likes my playing, my first fan in Thailand. It is definetly the rainy season here. It has been raining off and on since the first rain four days ago. Last night it was a torrential storm high winds and heavy rain. I was up until two writing for this blog I totally messed up and as I rolled over to go to sleep I shut off my computer without saving my Doc. 1,200 words lost, I will not have to learn this lesson twice. As I sit on my deck the frog is still hanging out while the rain pours down, two of the neighborhood children are playing in the rain running splashing in the puddles/ lakes, the clouds as they brush the mountains appear as they are painting the trees even a deeper green then they already are, so rich, emerald in color. The rains feeding the earth it responds vibrantly with sound and color. There are so many different sounds I wish I could identify them, most of them are foreign to me. There is an amazing chourus that ensues every night after dark just outside my bungalow. I assumed that the source was a couple of huge frogs. They will sing in unison for 5 to 10 minuites and then at the very same time stop. They stop for a minute or two and then as if directed by a conductor they begin again right on que. The sound is unbelievably loud I finally decided to go and check it out with a flash light. As I approached the area from which the sound eminates they of course stopped. I snooped around with my flashlight expecting to see as I said some huge frogs. Slowly they began too sound and still I could see nothing. All of this sound and no visual of the source, perplexed I ventured further. I parted bushes and looked deeper into the terrain. Finally I saw a very tiny frog pale in color and no bigger than my thumb. There was no way this little guy could be making all this sound I figured this was baby frog. And then I saw another and another, now that I knew what I was looking for they were everywhere. There must me hundreds of them all in a hundred square foot area. It is not the combination of them sounding that makes it so loud they are loud by themselves put them all together and you have a thunderous result. As they are pale in color I imagine that they are night frogs, the reason they sound like this for hours in unison I can only imagine. Maybe it is mateing season and I have this huge orgy happing outside my window. Regardless it is amusing and the sound although very loud and not very pleasing to the ear does not bother me in the least, it would not matter if it did because these little guys are not going anywhere soon. So I chose to hear it as my nightly lullaby. Today I met a friend of Rhonda’s who came to bring me fresh sheets she is a Ladyboy. I have heard that this is very common here in Thailand but I had not yet come across any. I know now why, because you would not know a ladyboy if you saw one this woman I call her woman because she is in everyway except one. I only kenw because Rhonda mentioned in a email that her friend a Ladyboy would be coming by. She was very actraive and I would never have guessed this was not a woman in the physical sence in a million years. Ladyboys are so common in Thailand that Ladyboy is even in the dictionary of course so is lounge lizard so maybe that is not such a big deal. I have always been very compassionate in regards to those who are for some reason not alingned with the body God gave them. And I thought I had issues. Then again who am I to judge could be that it is perfect in everyway, being a Ladyboy that is. I am very happy that I am a man and there is no confusion about that. The solutude continues to entertain me, this such a great opportunity to go deep into my psyche in fact it is unavoidable. I was reading some passages from some of the great writers and it seems to be a common theme many of them chosing solitude for this very reason, searching the soul. The challenge is not to get caught up in the drama of the demons of, insecurity, loss, loneliness, broken promises, and painful memories. The secret is to draw from the dreges of the soul to inspire and grow, and to regognise the opportunity to turn the darkness into light. I am beyond the wall now and I embrace all that this solitary experience brings. I am blessed and I am stronger every day.
I still have not had any achole or caffine, this is easy for me so much so at one point I stopped a reflected; damm I haven’t had a drink and I have not even though of doing so.
This surprised me as I am quite the drinker, or at least I thought so, being redefined moment by moment.

Without Fear

I walk down to the seashore and look out to the ocean
the reflection of the water is all I need
to remember how we wandered tortured and confused
that stormy winter night in love, our bodies in embrace
closer than one, we lay.
If I ever had a reason to hold a memory near
if I ever had a reason to prevail
I look to ocean and see the reflection of all that I hold dear.
Once again I question why there has to be a reason
for us to in reflection ask ourselves the hard questions
of our life’s dilemma what do we have to fear.
Do we fear to be lonely or judgment of the other,
commitment to the unknown.
If there’s ever been, a reason to wonder,
a reason to fear, we can simply listen to the call of our hearts
and hold that which we love, hold it close without fear.