Definition Of Self

I just had a huge Frog jump up onto my deck! I have been playing guitar maybe he likes my playing, my first fan in Thailand. It is definetly the rainy season here. It has been raining off and on since the first rain four days ago. Last night it was a torrential storm high winds and heavy rain. I was up until two writing for this blog I totally messed up and as I rolled over to go to sleep I shut off my computer without saving my Doc. 1,200 words lost, I will not have to learn this lesson twice. As I sit on my deck the frog is still hanging out while the rain pours down, two of the neighborhood children are playing in the rain running splashing in the puddles/ lakes, the clouds as they brush the mountains appear as they are painting the trees even a deeper green then they already are, so rich, emerald in color. The rains feeding the earth it responds vibrantly with sound and color. There are so many different sounds I wish I could identify them, most of them are foreign to me. There is an amazing chourus that ensues every night after dark just outside my bungalow. I assumed that the source was a couple of huge frogs. They will sing in unison for 5 to 10 minuites and then at the very same time stop. They stop for a minute or two and then as if directed by a conductor they begin again right on que. The sound is unbelievably loud I finally decided to go and check it out with a flash light. As I approached the area from which the sound eminates they of course stopped. I snooped around with my flashlight expecting to see as I said some huge frogs. Slowly they began too sound and still I could see nothing. All of this sound and no visual of the source, perplexed I ventured further. I parted bushes and looked deeper into the terrain. Finally I saw a very tiny frog pale in color and no bigger than my thumb. There was no way this little guy could be making all this sound I figured this was baby frog. And then I saw another and another, now that I knew what I was looking for they were everywhere. There must me hundreds of them all in a hundred square foot area. It is not the combination of them sounding that makes it so loud they are loud by themselves put them all together and you have a thunderous result. As they are pale in color I imagine that they are night frogs, the reason they sound like this for hours in unison I can only imagine. Maybe it is mateing season and I have this huge orgy happing outside my window. Regardless it is amusing and the sound although very loud and not very pleasing to the ear does not bother me in the least, it would not matter if it did because these little guys are not going anywhere soon. So I chose to hear it as my nightly lullaby. Today I met a friend of Rhonda’s who came to bring me fresh sheets she is a Ladyboy. I have heard that this is very common here in Thailand but I had not yet come across any. I know now why, because you would not know a ladyboy if you saw one this woman I call her woman because she is in everyway except one. I only kenw because Rhonda mentioned in a email that her friend a Ladyboy would be coming by. She was very actraive and I would never have guessed this was not a woman in the physical sence in a million years. Ladyboys are so common in Thailand that Ladyboy is even in the dictionary of course so is lounge lizard so maybe that is not such a big deal. I have always been very compassionate in regards to those who are for some reason not alingned with the body God gave them. And I thought I had issues. Then again who am I to judge could be that it is perfect in everyway, being a Ladyboy that is. I am very happy that I am a man and there is no confusion about that. The solutude continues to entertain me, this such a great opportunity to go deep into my psyche in fact it is unavoidable. I was reading some passages from some of the great writers and it seems to be a common theme many of them chosing solitude for this very reason, searching the soul. The challenge is not to get caught up in the drama of the demons of, insecurity, loss, loneliness, broken promises, and painful memories. The secret is to draw from the dreges of the soul to inspire and grow, and to regognise the opportunity to turn the darkness into light. I am beyond the wall now and I embrace all that this solitary experience brings. I am blessed and I am stronger every day.
I still have not had any achole or caffine, this is easy for me so much so at one point I stopped a reflected; damm I haven’t had a drink and I have not even though of doing so.
This surprised me as I am quite the drinker, or at least I thought so, being redefined moment by moment.