Just a Feeling

It is difficult to communicate; a swelling of emotion, crying inside, tears streaming down my face, sobbing, there are so many different ways to describe the response to emotional expression that can move me too tears of any degree whether they be of sadness or joy. At times just on the edge of tears I can feel as if, I will, at any moment burst into sobbing. At times it is a simple warming in my heart that can be accelerated as I recognize that I am sensitive to any degree and open to seeing on any level, making me smile. The smallest pops from the universe can stop me in my tracks. When I see an angel on the side of the road through the eyes of a child playing in a field looking up at the precise moment that I, turn looking out the window of a speeding car, our eyes meeting for a flash, a glimpse into the heart of God, speaking to me through the eyes of a child. Do you remember, do you believe? I believe in everything, I wonder how one could not. Some people believe in nothing, can you believe that!
30,000 feet above London, it is easy to believe in everything. I can see the lights below. If I knew the city I would be able to make out the neighborhoods and counties. Essex, Knightsbridge, I can see those Essex girls at this moment getting ready for school their moms with their tea and a cig, one dreaming of, and one, putting it on for the Ritz, teasing her hair, or spiking it, it matters not, go-go boots, combat boots it’s all the same, for an Essex girl, they never change “ever met one?” you would know if you did, promise, and you would never forget. 30,000 feet over London damm I love to fly. I am not wild about sitting in the same place in the same position for 4 to 13 hours, 13 hours is the longest I have been on a plane, and still I love flying. It is magic, a magic carpet ride with every seat the best in the house. Isaaco took me to the airport this morning, my Portland visit over, next stop Venice. As usual we stayed up very late I was thinking I would just stay up. Packing took all day, well to be truthful preparations took all day. I did not start the official packing process until 4:pm my flight leaving at 7:30am making for a house departure of 5:am. I finished all I needed to do at around 3:am. Isaaco showed up around midnight, slowing the process down considerably, Ok by me I love the guy within minutes we were singing Vasco and punching each other fighting like brothers. Hanging out with Isaaco is the closest experience to having a brother, a real brother I can imagine. He is so in your face, open and real and really a bit of a brat. I have friends I love very much, call them brother and recognize the deep bond of our friendship. But with Isaaco he acts and therefore I act like we have been fighting for the last cookie for lifetimes. It would have been best to have been Issaco’s little brother because then he would have been the protector perhaps the bully to some degree but his heart is so big I think he would have made the perfect big brother. He would have made me tough and at the same time teach me of deep love, and I know he would have supported me in anything jealousy not an option, in fact he would have been the sort of brother that if I did not pursue my dreams he would beat my ass. But if I failed he would laugh and cry and we would go have Gelato. The other thing I know for sure is there would not be any bullies picking on me in the neighborhood, Isaaco is one of the toughest little fuckers I have ever met. I am going to take him to Thai boxing school with me not a tourist trap of a school the real thing where the only language spoken is Thai and foot to face. I think this might be the only place Isaaco will meet his match. I think it is important for every man to meet his match, at least once in every area in his life, teaches humility, limits and respect. So Isaaco pack your bags, “Visto che andiamo in Thailandia vedo che prendi un calcio nel sedere”. After a few hours of additional packing and playing around with Isaaco, I decided I could not go the long haul so went to bed to lay down for just a few hours, I even left my boots on, my bags packed and loaded in the truck and I dressed in my travel clothes. 501’s, engineer boots, Sharkskin belt, black t-shirt velvet jacket, my head with only three weeks growth, my mala beads given to me by my sister Jennifer. ( Thank you Jenny I look forward to sharing with you the experiences that opened up to me as a result of wearing the beads you lent me to help me heal, thank you, I also look forward to returning them to you, soon.) After 5 or 10 minutes I kicked off my boots and fell fast asleep rare for me but indeed fast asleep. I set the alarm and double checked it. The same alarm I have been using or Debbie has been using for years. I do not use the alarm much I wake naturally sleeping is my problem not waking up, other than this morning. My little two hours shut eye turned into a three and a half hour nap, before I know it I am sitting straight up in bed staring at the clock 6:30. I have 60min. till take off the airport is a 20 minute drive without traffic, I seek out Isaaco he is curled up in the corner of the downstairs office on the floor, I do not even think about this I just start kicking him and yelling Isaaco move, move, move, as if we were on a military alert under attack. I think many people would have just sat down and cried and began calling the airline, not me my bags are locked and loaded, we’re going to the fucking airport. Once along the way, Isaaco spoke out regarding my driving and to think, this from an Italian….. I looked at him and told him if he wanted to go to the airport with me that he would have to keep quiet. I don’t think I put it quite these terms but I got my point across. The traffic was moderate but I was able to average 90 most of the way. We pull up to the curb Isaaco and I jump out, of the truck, Isaaco to unload the bags, Guitar, skies, camera, recording gear, and stuff, 8 bags in all. I go to the skycap give him 100 bucks and tell him “get me on that fucking plane.” The whole sky cap crew jumps in line to help and together they made it happen, and had fun doing so, I made the plane. Standing at my seat arranging my gear I hear the flight attendants speaking Italian, I catch myself in surprise I think I am about to cry, choke up, sob? I don’t think so but I am a touch emotional, I am going to Venice.