The Lord Loves An Optimist

Back In Portland. I am here for 7 days, It is good to be sleeping in my own bed seeing Debbie and Maggie. Isaac and Liz came over to welcome me home. It was great to see good friends. Philip called me the minute I woke up to welcome me. Phillip was really great to me while I was on the road, he sent me regular emails, I love the connection. I went to see Philip/Axel play rugby. It was a beautiful fall day the sun shinning the leaves what is left of them are changing colors the chill in the air feels good. It think it will be a good ski season this year. I will miss half the season but will be back for some good northwest spring skiing. Philips game was at a park that was close to the house where both my children Monica and Colin were born. This brought back many memories from the moments of their conceptions to the life we had and the place of my spirit. We were so in love. Life was tough there was very little work for carpenters so income was very weak. This always had me in a state of frustration and fear. How would I build a life for my family, what I was doing was not going to be enough. I had gotten a late start, spending too many years in adolescent behavior, Drugs, dreams, remorse, and anger.
I was now ready to settle down and be responsible but I had to start at the beginning as we all do there is no easy street for me or most. I was not able to relax with this reality.
I knew I felt I had wasted many years and now I was feeling the pain.
Ruth lived behind us. She was 82 years old. She told me that she was 80 but I always felt that she was 82. We met at the back fence during the spring of 83’. We were doing yard work Ruth was planting bulbs for the season and I cutting the first round of grass.
We hit it off from the start and quickly became friends. Ruth spent a fair amount of time at our kitchen table and I would help her around her house with the occasional odd job.
She had lived in her house her whole life, her parents died before she moved out on her own and she just stayed. When she married her husband moved into the house and this is where they stayed. Raising their family of one boy and one girl. Ruth was alone now her children rarely visited and she had few friends, we became her extended family. She supported us emotionally and was at our side when both the children were born. Ruth was privy to many of the family conversations we would have. During those years these conversations would often revolve around my fears and frustrations. Joanne my wife at the time was always positive and supportive. She was happy with a simple life and never complained or suggested that I was not providing for my family she knew I was a hard worker and she supported me in all my dreams of a better life. Every day I had a new idea of how we could break out of the hand to mouth existence. I would start a construction company, write a hit song, become a salesman (I only needed the right product.) Ruth would sit quietly she was never a big talker she was a simple woman. I was surprised one time when I was over at her house to do some odd job to see her bedroom. She slept in a bed that was so small and old it looked as if it was the bed she had as a child, I believe it was. The only decorations in her house were the needlepoint masterpieces she had created blankets, throws, and napkins. And of course there was her garden. Ruth loved her garden and in particular her flowers, we were very fortunate in that we lived right behind her and could see Ruth’s flowers from our kitchen window. All summer our backyard activities were decorated with the fruits of Ruth’s love of flowers. I loved her very much. After we moved away we slowly lost touch with Ruth. After Joanne and I split up we stopped seeing each other I was so lost in my own pain I neglected my friendship with Ruth, I regret this. I was never called to be informed of Ruth’s death but one day in 1993 I had a pause and Ruth flashed through my spirit, at that moment I felt she had passed I smiled for her and cried for me. Ruth changed my life, not just in our friendship as most friendships do but profoundly. One day as we were sitting having coffee at our kitchen table, Joanne was pregnant with Monica and I was unemployed. I was lost in fear and my conversation was obsessive speaking of my frustration that I could not seem to break out of the circle I was in. Ruth leaned forward putting my hand in hers, she looked me square in the eyes and said “ Jeff you have nothing to worry about please relax everything will always work out for you just be patient” I said “Ruth how can you be so sure” She replied” Jeff if there is anything I have learned I my life it is that the Lord Loves an Optimist, and Jeff if you are anything you an optimist this is apart of your spirit it will never change” I said” Ruth how can you say this after so much time listening to me complain about my fears” “ Jeff I see you and I know you and this I know you will always be ok because the Lord loves an optimist simple and true, this is you.”
I am sorry I never had the opportunity to share with Ruth the impact her truth had on my life for it was many years before I could truly see what she meant. But now 24 years later I get it and you know she was right everything has always worked out for me. Not always as I expected but regardless life is good and I am blessed in more ways that I can imagine or measure. Thank you Ruth for your wisdom and Thank you God for Ruth, yet another angel sent to help guide me on my path to here now.