And She Sleeps

Debbie lay beside me deep in sleep. I have always been jealous of her ability to simply shut her eyes and sleep. If I could have this sort of sleep experience I imagine I simply would surrender to sleep, this is not my fate. I am a restless spirit my mind difficult to slow down my body rarely gets tired and my heart is in a perpetual state of bliss and ache. If some people are two faced then I guess you could call me two hearted split in two; the most full and the most empty at the same time. Yet tonight, I am tired, my body needs to lie down. I have packing yet to do, but it is the last minute push and can be done in 30 min. I have spent my day preparing for my 7:30 departure to LAX first stop of two before I land in Bangkok, 15.9.07 11:50 pm. It is 11pm and already she sleeps so deep she does not stir as I lay down fully clothed beside her. I am planning to rest only a short while my pick up is at 5:30 am; I need to be up at 4 to allow for the finial push. I will be fine I have lived on 5 hours sleep most of my life. However tonight I do not sleep I lay awake the entire time. The best I can do is to calm, clear, and listen to her breath and to feel her body close to mine. I prefer it this way if I only have these 5 hours I do not want to spend it sleeping but aware of life as it is here now. Maggie my beautiful 2.5-pound Maltese beauty is sharing my pillow gently licking my face. Debbie like a child she sleeps beside me I can hear her heart beating. Is she dreaming, is she here with any awareness, I reach out and touch her face she does not wake I do not wake her. The red light shines up onto the high wall from the living room below. The bedroom door is open I can see our altar the doorframe from Indonesia in which the young Buddha stands twenty candles at his feet warriors standing guard. I can sense every corner of my home I can feel her heart beating. Monica and Max are here for the week visiting from New York.
They are sleeping in her old bedroom down the hall. I feel their love it fills the house and the world around them. I am very happy for them, and I, that they are here. I think of Colin my son his spirit restless like mine. He is almost done building his dream car. Bright yellow fast built with his hands from the frame up. He has done a beautiful job very professional, I am impressed he should be very proud. I am very proud of him, I miss him but I am very happy to have been able to spend most of the afternoon and evening with him. My thoughts and feelings are traveling with intent and focus. Taking it all in not wanting to miss a second.
Do you know how much I love you?
Thailand awaits mysterious, ancient, the heart of Buddha land, exotic, sensuous. It is the end of the rain season 90 degrees humid thunderstorms, hard rain pounding. I love the rain in fact I love any force of nature that reminds me of the magnificence of life, the planet. I imagine that the rains in Thailand this time of year are similar to South Florida. I remember the air the rain and body temperature so close it would feel like a warm shower a bath. As dangerous as it may be a few times while living there I went swimming late in the night, the rain one with the ocean, it was a close to the womb you can get, then laying on the beach naked my face to the sky the warm rain massaging my body. It is times like these I feel closest to God, nature, the universe. I will be staying at the Oriental Hotel in Bangkok for three nights before I travel to my final destination Kamala Beach located on the Island of Phuket in the south of Thailand. I am already thinking that this will not be enough time at the Oriental or for my first visit to Bangkok. I will leave to fate if the hotel has the room available for a couple of nights I will take advantage. I have packed very little choosing to travel light. Camera gear and tech gear fill most of my two backpacks.
At the last minute I see how tightly packed I am, and therefore decide to bring one more suitcase, so that I will have room for the collections of the reflections of my connecting with those I love as I journey as I discover treasures to share and delight. Basically Mate/Christian it’s like this, I will most likely do some shopping. Still not sleeping I turn off the alarm and take action, first the hot tub I love my hot tub no chance I am going to forgo a last minute 4am soak, then shower, pack, a little last minute organization and my pick up arrives right on schedule, 5:30 am. I take my bags to the driver and return to my house my home for goodbye kisses and I am off. I am now on the airplane it is a clear day we are flying at 22,000 feet I can see for miles, and if I close my eyes ever so slightly I can see halfway around the world. Now I am getting excited. I think of Debbie deep in her dreams, I smile and she sleeps.